urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ceasedliving ceasedliving ceasedliving 2008-05-05T15:31:44Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:ceasedliving:11135 2008-05-05T15:19:07Z 2008-05-05T15:31:44Z <center>Hardly anyone fucking gets it...<br />Sometimes it isn't *only* about weight loss.<br />Right now, I just feel so self distructive.<br />I want to starve it out. I want to feel that <br />hunger pain and then when I eat, I want to <br />hover over the toilet, and drown my self in <br />diet pills and laxatives. Somehow, and I can't <br />explain this, but it makes me feel better. <br />I don't KNOW why. I do not UNDERSTAND why <br />I want to do this to my self. I know it is <br />unhealthy, and to be blunt, that is one of <br />the reasons it is so appealing.<br /><br />I just... want it all out of me. I eat my <br />emotions, and then purge them. It's a sick, <br />twisted metaphore, but it helps numb me.<br /><br /><img src="http://i107.photobucket.com/albums/m290/ceasedliving/Help.jpg"></center>