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(no subject)
May 5th, 2008 (10:13 am)
current mood: cold
current mood: cold
Sometimes it isn't *only* about weight loss.
Right now, I just feel so self distructive.
I want to starve it out. I want to feel that
hunger pain and then when I eat, I want to
hover over the toilet, and drown my self in
diet pills and laxatives. Somehow, and I can't
explain this, but it makes me feel better.
I don't KNOW why. I do not UNDERSTAND why
I want to do this to my self. I know it is
unhealthy, and to be blunt, that is one of
the reasons it is so appealing.
I just... want it all out of me. I eat my
emotions, and then purge them. It's a sick,
twisted metaphore, but it helps numb me.
